Breaking Heart

My heart is breaking. I can feel it. Its a crushing pain. It brings me to tears at the oddest moments. When im alone in the car, when im in an aisle in CVS, when im taking a bath to wash away the day. When Im desperately looking for a stamp to put on my last card to my friend. My MIL. My other mother. My girls grammy. I am very fortunate to have a MIL who cares so very much for us. Shes had a long road to hoe. Her life has been full of heartache and disappointment. And now she is at her end. Or will be soon. The cancer is ravaging her body. Shes in a great deal of pain. Her spirits are good but her body is aching. Im sure her heart is breaking as much as anyones, but shes much stronger. MUCH much stronger. She isnt a blubbering mess when talking to us. I cant stop crying. Ill admit this is my darkest time ever. I dont know how to tell my girls that grammy is very very sick and she will die. It will be weeks or a few months but she will die. I wish it was longer than a few months but the reality is, it isnt. My husband knows whats coming. But I dont think he knows the amount of heartache he will feel when it does happen. I also dont think he expected me to be so crushed at losing HIS mother. I will miss talking to her on the phone. Ill miss her beautiful home to go visit and see her love on my girls like there isnt a care in the world. Ill whole heartedly miss her. The coming weeks and possibly months will be hard. Hardest my husband and I have ever endured together. This will be our test. Test of how strong our relationship is. Will we come out on the other side stronger? No one really knows. We can hope. We can believe we will do everything we can to be there for eachother and for our babies. But the truth of it is, Im overwhelmed with grief. Nothing has happend except a prognosis of 2-4 months. Im hoping my grief will subside enough for me to take care of my family during this time. I hope that we come out on the other side stronger. I hope that my girls will remember what they can of grammy. But the truth of that is they probably will "forget" her before they are adults. Justine wont remember her for sure. Kaytlyn will have faint memories. That kills me. Ill be eternally grateful Shirl accepted me into her baby boys life and pushed us to be better as a couple. I hope to find some strength during this time and keep on trucking. She needs that. Love you Shirl.