Struggling... again

Today is the day of cold wet rainy weather we usually have starting sometime in october.... But we have managed to make to almost mid November with no snow or rain in site... Boy does it effect your mood. As it is Im already having a rough month. My birthday is mere weeks away. I always get alittle emotional because its my birthday.. It means another year has passed and Im getting older. It also means that Ive wasted another year. I have nothing to show for this past year. Except some weight and a health condition that has ravaged my person. Ravaged. I feel taken over by this health condition that is suppose to be relativly easy to manage... Boy was I misled. The pain I feel in my heart is unberable. Ive lost myself. My husband feels like a stranger. I have no idea where to begin on finding what im here for. But it hurts. I know that much. It hurts to look in the mirror and want to fix "this" or "that". I remember when i use to get up every day and get ready for a job that paid a mere 2 dollars an hour. 2 bucks. I got up every day willing to go to that job and do my best to make that 2 bucks multiply to 6 or 8 an hour. Id shower and put on make up and do my hair. I took pride in how I felt and looked. I miss that. I miss having a reason to get up and look presentable every day. I miss working. Crazy i know but i miss it. I want to work. I want to have a job that I have a passion for. But Ive lost myself somewhere and have no idea what my passions are. I admire passionate people. But they also make me feel like crying.