Grief

Grief comes in many different shapes and sizes. It comes in many different ways. There could be anger, tears, happiness, withdrawal or throwing oneself into work. Anyone you see everyday on the street could be grieving a loss. We have recently endured a loss. My husbands mom passed away a week ago last night. These past 3 weeks have been some of my worst. I'm grateful I got to say my goodbyes and I got to spend some quality time with her. Explaining this situation to my girls has been extremely hard. They know as much as they can. But what they understand no one really knows. They don't understand that my and my husbands hearts are hurting. Everyone says time heals all wounds but this is a different kind of wound. It runs deep. It physically hurts. She passed away after a 2 and a half year battle off and on with cancer. The same brutal cancer. In January she was told the cancer wasn't responding to the chemo. Mid February she was told the cancer had spread to her spine. Within days of this news she was near her family and was gone less than 3 weeks later. 3 weeks. 3 weeks ill never forget but also sooo glad I had. As traumatic as they were, I cant ask for more. I got that one more visit and I got that one last goodbye, somethings some people don't get. She went down hill so fast and before our eyes it was unbelievably unfair. That's how I describe a lost battle with cancer. Unfair. There aren't any other words. Sure its hard, sometimes impossible to beat. But it is unfair. It makes the person hurt, makes them not mentally there. It hurts the families. And in the end it takes that person away from a life they didn't get to finish living. Everyone says God has a plan. But this plan was not fair. He took a great woman from the lives of her children, and her grandchildren she barely got to see grow up. I know shes watching over us, and she is in a better place. Not suffering anymore. But my heart is screaming that its not fair. Kinda like my almost 6 year old screams when she doesn't get her way. This is whats unfair. Not her not getting her way. If she only knew the magnitude of how unfair it is. I miss Shirl. Deeply. It hurts so much. My kids lost a Grammy. I lost a as close to a mom as she could be without being my mom and a friend. My husband lost his mom. Ive never cried so much in my life. Ive never hurt so much either. I cant imagine how my husband feels. I know hes hurting. We hurt together. Id like to think this will bring us closer instead of draw us apart. I couldn't go through this without him. I hope he feels the same about me. RIP Shirl... We miss you.