My Feelings...

I dont know where to begin on how I feel about Kaytlyn possibly having Aspergers. Im pretty angry with certain persons for stating the obvious and at others for not. Im lost as to how to go about getting her evaluated obviously it needs to be done so we can get her the therapy etc that she will need. Im upset that I probably have it as well and I passed it to her. Im upset that my life could have turned out differant had I known sooner or my parents knew sooner and could of gottin me help. There are alot of what ifs... what if id gottin some social therapy and learned social skills that i would need later on in life.. what if id gottin help so i didnt have to struggle so much with school... what if id been understood and had someone in my corner who could say "hey i understand and i want to help you" instead i had parents and teachers who thought i was just stubborn and i just needed to study harder.. but no matter how hard i studied i didnt get it! I didnt know why but i didnt get it! I could read the material but it wasnt sticking. I couldnt comprehend till well into my adult years.. but i could read. And of course they grade ur reading level by how u comprehend. which was very low for me. Even in a special reading class all through school till i was at a satisfactory level of 9th grade level i still wasnt getting it! I always knew something was differant at how i learned things. I always did better in math. I still cant pass an english class for the life of me! I comprehend much better than i ever use to which isnt uncommon with individuals with aspergers.. there brains just finally mature! Ill always have issues with social situations.. social skills are learned very young and if they arnt they never are.. how sad is that? that means the few friends i have i should hang on to lol i dunno what it means but its always going to be hard for me to make new friends. I know that have always known that. I dont want that for Kaytlyn. I want her to be accepted by her peers.. i dont want her to struggle in school. i want her to know that its ok to ask for help if you need it.. i want her to know its ok to not understand something and to have it repeated till you do understand. and that is NOT ok for someone to make fun of you because you dont get it! I want so badly to surround ourselves with people in our situations but that is one of my phobias.. new people! Im hoping that me discovering this about myself as well as her that we can get help together and maybe i can overcome some of my phobias that deal with social settings. Im very scared. Im very worried. Im very much a mother but not an overprotective one by any means. Im scared that when we bring this up to her dr that they would just see it as an overprotective mother who wants to find something wrong with there child.. But really i just want to find out that its all average behavior! But i know that isnt the case. I know in my heart that my little girl probably wont ever play sports or enjoy the company of her peers or enjoy competitive activities... much like myself..